Find and Replace

As for an update on my life, just use the find and replace tool on this blog post: http://austenaficienado.blogspot.com/2010/07/one-date-wendy-and-year-of-set-up.html. Just replace "One-Date-Wendy" with "Two-Date-Tessa," and the "Year of the Set-Up" to "Relationship Failure." Nothing has changed much, particularly looking back at this excerpt.

Sometimes I wonder if I have too positive of outlooks after dates, when I should be more analytical of what happened. I think, "That date was great! We had a lot in common, we talked a lot, laughed, had a good time...", but then in the end, it's a dead end.

I don't understand. If I feel a connection, doesn't that mean that there's gotta be another side to the connection (particularly coming from him)? Or does it mean that I'm kind of a charismatic leech oblivious to the guys furiously trying to shake me off?

So, yeah, happy day. It's such a beautiful explosion, is it not?

This made me happy today

I love this song so much. And I love Frederica Von Stade's interpretation of it.

Classical Music Kick

Ever since seeing The Magic Flute a little less than a month ago, I've been falling in love with classical music again. BYU's production was wonderful, quite professional for being a college production. It made me remember how much I love opera, and how much I miss singing it as well. I started YouTubing classical pieces (particularly the arias and duets) from The Magic Flute, and found this wonderful singer, Edda Moser.



And this singer, Diana Damrau.



I started a classical music station on my Pandora account. I listen to it all of the time now, especially when I'm doing homework. Beethoven, Tchaikovsky, Chopin, Rachmaninoff...I love them! Fantastico!

I pulled my music off the shelf, and dusted it off. My roommate is going to bring home a small keyboard, and I couldn't be happier! I feel like I'll truly get to bring out a part of me that has been stifled for a long time. It will make a much happier me, seeing as I will now have an outlet for a lot of my frustration.

Oh music, I love and miss you. Please come back to stay. :)

For Jane

Elizabeth, with your fine eyes and wit,

have not only captivated the proud Mr. Darcy,

but millions around the world.

Your striking and independent thoughts are not your own.

They belonged to one whose life was led by her wit,

Able to laugh at those who didn't understand the world

like she.

Mr. Darcy, would you be so proud if knew

the circumstances from which you came?

You may not be able to look on without abhorrence.

Your wealth, station, and impressive lineage

Are all part of an intricate world conceived by

a mere rector's daughter.

Tell me, Mr. Collins, whose patronage should you serve above all,

Who you should thrust your bumbling compliments on

The one whom you should acquiesce your very speech,

and at every turn revere?

Nay, not Lady Catherine,

but your creator:

Miss Austen, the woman with the clever, biting quill.

Ick

Dear Everyone,

Can I just say something?

I hate seeing couples on campus.

They're everywhere.

Love,

A Slightly Bitter Me

Old Post, New Post

The following is a post I started about a month and a half ago, but never posted. I expanded it, so it's a little bit of an amalgamation of my thoughts then and now. Sorry if it's a little weird.

Forget Fast Food Nation! We're becoming a Vending Machine Food World!!! I have mixed feelings about this story I found on MSN: http://www.delish.com/food-fun/unusual-vending-machine-foods?gt1=47001. I get a few items of vending machine food a week myself, so I think that having a variety is nice, especially because the vending machine food can get old real quick. I am also impressed with the ability of the machines to make it fresh and personalized right in front of you. I think the coolest ones might be: the pizza and the ice maker, where you can be a part of the process from the beginning.

Beyond the coolness of the technology, this trend is making me worried. The quality of vending machine food seems to be going up, where you don't have to worry about the massive amount of preservatives in the food, but still. How hard is it to go up and order these foods from a REAL person? Or to drive it home, how hard is it to make these things at HOME? I think that cooking is becoming a lost art among the people of the world. So many people have such low expectations of what food is or should be, when I feel like food has so many diverse flavors and textures that need to be realized and experienced! Food is a little like language in the fact that there are endless possibilities in what you can do with it, granted some things aren't right to put together, but, that's what experimenting is for, right? Try to make some food so you're not limited in your choices.

Okay. I'll get off my soap box now.

Killer Queen

My cat, Bella, is a killer. No really, I know you're laughing at me right now, but she really is. As I drive up my driveway, I'm always apprehensive that I'll find her on the grass with her latest kill, half-eaten. She is no respecter of prey. Squirrels, potguts, snakes, mice, etc. It's made me worried enough that I'm afraid to bring friends up.

Setting: Lutz Home, Hobble Creek Canyon

Sarah enters driveway in a car with a group of friends. They make their way to the house.

Friend #1: It was so nice for you to invite us, Sarah!

Friend #2: Yes, it's so beautiful up....Oh my gosh! (shrieks)

Friend #1: What is it! I don't see anyth.....What in the world? Is that blood? I don't do well with blood...sometimes it makes me sick (faints)

Sarah: (cheerily) Oh, come on guys. It's just a half-eaten squirrel. It's real life nature, and shows the food chain in action!

Now back to reality.
NO! That is just gross. I don't want anyone to see that. She looks so unsuspecting.

(Note: This isn't her, {she isn't as fat as this cat} but she looks like this)

I'll do my best to protect you, my friends, but if you come up to my house, she might be doing her thing.

Just a warning.

"She's a Killer Queen
Gunpowder, Gelatine
Dynamite with a laser beam
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime"

Thank you Queen, for making a song just for my blog title.

One-Date Wendy and The Year of the Set-Up

If my life were a book, this would have to be the title for the last two months of my summer (May-June). Now honestly, I know that everyone is in the spirit of relationships in the spring and summer, but I feel little like the spirit of relationships doomed. Or probably more accurately, the spirit of set-ups/blind dates doomed.

As soon as Spring semester started, it felt like I was a on a pedestal with a ringmaster shouting, "Friends, coworkers, and bosses of all ages! Step right up and try your chances at setting up this girl with a guy you know!" I was being approached by several people who were all excited to give their all. One of them didn't pan out, because the guy in question became engaged before he would ever go out with me, but c'est la vie. Right? Here is a synopsis of the two dates I have been on.

Date #1

My very good friend from my singles ward wants to set me up with a guy she works with. I agreed, but I was a little apprehensive about the whole thing, owing to the fact that the last blind date I went on was definitely a no go. So even though I had known about this shindig going down since early April, being mentally prepared for a while, I decided, "Hey, what the heck...let's do this."

I pick up my date, and am pleasantly surprised at his attractiveness. The night is pretty fun, and I have a good time. The only downfall I might have found, is that he's younger than me, but only by a year. Not really a big deal. He and I have similarities and had fun creating a Buddha sculpture out of a half gallon of melty Tin Roof Sundae ice cream. I take him home, but I don't know exactly what to do, so I give him a car hug, which is totally LAME.

He adds me as a friend on Facebook, and a couple back and forth messages later, we never talk to each other again. Still see him post stuff on Facebook, would like to comment, but feel stupid because I haven't talked to him in months.

Date #2

A lady I work with cornered me in the work room with a question, "Are you dating anyone?" I answered negatively. She goes on to tell me of her younger brother that she thinks has a lot in common with me, and how she just would really like to set us up on a date. "Sure," I said, with a nonchalance that totally contradicted the pathetically worry-wart scenarios bouncing around in my head.

Well, he calls me while I'm up the canyon, and so I have to call him back (which I am NOT a phone person, and I hate calling people I don't know, and sometimes even people I do know), and of course, I get his voice mail...So finally, he calls me at home, and we set up the date. He wants to pick me up, and I really tried to discourage him to just to meet me somewhere. Now, he lives in Holladay (Salt Lake area), and I live a half hour from Provo, so all in all it's about an hour and a half drive. I make sure to give him directions up to my house, after asking him if he knew the area. He said he did, so I just sweat it out until the day of.

The meeting time comes and goes, and I get a phone call from him. He's gone up Spanish Fork Canyon, not Hobble Creek Canyon! He's almost made his way back to Springville, and I tell him that it's another 20 minutes to get to my house. I could tell he was a little shocked, but he came up anyway (it took him 30 minutes, which for people who don't live there, is about right). He's now an hour late. I didn't really care, he was the one with the tighter schedule for the day, but I was sorry that he got lost, even if it was his fault.

We talk in the car, and it was really good, even better than the last date, I think. He drives all of the way to north Orem, where we go out to eat. We're maybe there for 45 minutes (tops!), and then he drives me home. We are animated talking some more on the way home, but I ran a 5k that morning, so maybe I was more tired and unresponsive than I remember. I really don't know. He told me he had "a delightful time" and I gave him a hug and then I went inside.

In the aftermath, everyone was asking me if I texted him and thanked him or whatnot, and I am so out of the dating loop, I couldn't tell you what the right way to let a guy know I had a good time, or wanted to go out again (which I did).

I end up sending him a text asking for his Key Lime Pie recipe (he likes cooking), and he sends it to me via email. In response, I thank and ask him to come make it with me. No answer. No dice. Nada.

Okay......

I want you to know that I have not minded these dates. I was attracted to both of the guys, and I thought they were great. I wouldn't mind going on more dates with either one of them.

Sometimes I wonder if I have too positive of outlooks after dates, when I should be more analytical of what happened. I think, "That date was great! We had a lot in common, we talked a lot, laughed, had a good time...", but then in the end, it's a dead end.

I don't understand. If I feel a connection, doesn't that mean that there's gotta be another side to the connection (particularly coming from him)? Or does it mean that I'm kind of a charismatic leech oblivious to the guys furiously trying to shake me off?

There is another possible date in the works, set up by my boss. But it's very, very tentative. She doesn't know how to get a hold of him. Yeah, slight problem there. Oh well. If it never comes to fruition, then I just have to deal with it.

So now, instead of being the girl that everyone wants to set up, I feel like I deserve the title of "One-Date Wendy" instead.

Even so. If you feel like setting me up, I only have 2 words for you.

Bring it.

Times and Seasons

Biting into the fruit,
Deep red juices staining our lips,
We eat one after another.
"Don't you think that strawberries just taste like sunshine?"
My mother asks me.
Smiling, not quite understanding,
I nod, grin ready on my face.

Another time and another season.

A long summer's day is coming to its close.
We sit out on our covered porch.
The sky is filled with dusty orange, rose, and plum,
A lovely yet unearthly mixture.
"Isn't nature amazing?" she asks.
I feel a sense of rightness to the moment,
A small stirring enters my soul.
I answer yes.

Another time and another season.

Leaves of red and orange flame are starkly set
Against the periwinkle sky.
The crisp air gives us a small taste
Of the impending frost.
"Being outside is invigorating to the soul, wouldn't you say?"
She asks me out in the yard.
I take in the contrasting intense beauty,
My being is touched, moved.
I bask in the moment.

Another time and another season.

The snow is falling, huge flakes
The size of a fist.
They float like feathers
Falling in communal silence,
Each with their own pattern and sparkling delight.
"Do you feel God in nature?"
My mother asks me.
The beauty of winter is captivating,
Delight reaches from my head to my toes.
I understand.

Strawberries as sunshine,
Warm blends of sunset color,
Brilliant contrasts of leaves and sky,
Quiet snowflakes falling.

She doesn't feel God in nature.
She knows God in nature.
And now, so do I.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 -- To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven

Flipped!

I read the book Flipped by Wendelin Van Draanen recently (okay, not that recent, like the beginning of April), and I absolutely loved it. For those of you who haven't read it, it's a dual voiced book telling the story of Bryce Loski and Juli Baker from both of their perspectives ('one chapter him, one chapter her' type of thing, but they are using the same time frame). It's set mainly in junior high, but it has some build up from when they are younger. Because it's supposedly a 'teen romance' novel, I shied away from it for a while.

The premise is that Juli from her youngest years is crazy about Bryce, and he thinks she's nothing less than a pest. But there are some events that happen which change their feelings for each other to the complete opposite of what they were before, hence the whole "flipped" thing.

Yes, there is a romance element to the story, but I felt a few deeper messages pervading the novel. You shouldn't judge others on what you believe to be true (whether it is or not). Another I found was similar to the theme of Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli, that although not usually popular, you can learn to love life best from a genuine and unique person.

I found it more of a coming of age story than a teen romance, but it was very good nonetheless (and probably because it wasn't what it seemed).

Now.
I didn't really write this because of my love of childrens literature, but because I realized how "flipped" my own observations and outlook on life have become.

So...the boy at work who I thought it might be good to take on a date and get to know better?
He has a girlfriend. And might have when I asked him on a date. Or was about to. I don't know, it doesn't make sense to me because I would think that he might not have said 'yes' if he been dating his girlfriend. But he's supposedly has been dating her since February.

My life is like Juli Baker's. Totally skewed on what reality was. After I mulled over it for a couple of days, I realized some things like: why he wouldn't really talk to me after our date, why it was so hard to bring up conversation for a long time...ugh. Yeah.

And then I realized that it wasn't going anywhere, but then he started asking me for rides all of the time. And we had good conversation. Like he enjoyed being around me. Dang. So I'm flipped (and maybe he is a little as well, but not as much as Bryce Loski).

(This was probably supposed to have been written about a month ago, but shhhh, don't tell. I'll catch you up on the other amazing :S aspects of my life soon)

Spring Break?

My title is what it is because of the incredulity of Utah weather. Monday through Wednesday was like a weird twlight zone episode where the seasons are mixed up. This is what it looked like on the outside of my house.

Our deck in facing the back yard.

The past week has also been amazing because of a multitude of things, but here's a few of them.

1. Conference. I always love listening to the prophet and apostles speak, but I feel like I really tried to listen and hearken to the words given at this conference. My favorite talk was probably Elder Scott's talk, but Elder Holland's came close. They are all so filled with goodness and tender feelings for their followers, and I feel that from them and in return love them greatly. The reoccuring theme of teaching your children truth in the home was staggering, but it made me set goals and expectations for myself when I begin a family. It was powerful, and I know that the family needs to be strengthened at this time where the family unit is barraged from every angle. I know we can do it.

2. Cousins came to visit. My cousins Becca and Chrissy (and Chrissy's husband, Kyle) came to our house for dinner and the last session of Conference. I love being with family (immediate or extended), and it was so much fun to have a few more Lutzes around. We don't get to see the Lutz side of the family much, so it was a really awesome thing.

   This is a cute picture of the us fixing dinner (and by us, I really mean them, because I had not makeup on = yuck pic of me)

3. Awesome indoor Easter egg hunt. My family had an indoor easter egg hunt on Monday (due to the crappy weather we had that weekend), and it was awesome! Here are our hard boiled dyed eggs. Needless to say, we like bright colors!!!

The poorly circled ones are mine. Yay for Paint!

Here's a close-up on my eggs. I really like the way they turned out. They're so vibrant! But I did end up putting them all in for a session of conference (nothing like a 2 hour dye!).

This is a close-up of my favorite.

Second favorite: This got cooler because it cracked.

Third Favorite or Last Favorite. You choose which it is.

4. I got my hair cut! I went in originally to cut 6 inches off, but I got convinced (which really wasn't all that hard) to get another 2 inches cut off and donate it to Locks of Love. I've donated before, and I really enjoyed being able to do it, so it was a good they gave me that option. I'd do it again in a heartbeat (when my hair's a little longer of course). I also got the bottom of the hair undercut so it will do some curling under all by itself, and some nice front layers to add some texture to the hair and soften the angles of my face. All in all it was a pretty dang good haircut. I did have a little patching up to do a couple of days later (you'll see in the pic) when my hair finally lay down some, but I did it myself, and I think everything's even now.

On the right side (in this pic, the left), the front pieces of hair were just a tad longer than all of the others.

That was nothing that a mirror and a pair of hair trimming scissors couldn't handle.

See? It's really cute, and short! Well, shorter than it has been in a long time. I like it.

Well, this blog post has taken practically all week to make, because our internet's so slow, so I'd better post it before it all blows up. :)

Turning Over a New Leaf

Even though a storm just came through, I can't help but think that Spring is just around the corner. I can feel it in the air and I know that we have been seeing this:

but it will soon become this:

I'm surrounded by beauty where ever I look, and I have been so blessed with friends and family that help me along.

A good friend of mine talked to me earlier this week, and helped me realized that I need to stop worrying about the things I can't control and focus on things that will help me get to work and serve others. She told me that I should take care of myself, but then I should, like President Hinckley always said, "Forget [my]self and then go to work."

So I realized that I'd been getting out of the habit of reading my scriptures and saying my prayers regularly, and I needed to do those. On my date last Friday, I was kind of talking about how I'd love to be able to sing in a challenging group again, how I missed that part of my life, and he told me that if I asked, I would be able to receive. I was very grateful that he told me that. I made me realize that I need to be more spiritually minded, which is something I've kind of put on the back burner for a while.

I had a heart to heart with my Heavenly Father, who gave me his endless love and forgiveness, and also helped me see the things I need to put my life in order. I made some goals, and I think that they will help me become the person that I know I want to be.

1. Read the scriptures and study them out. They won't do me a lot of good if I don't apply them in my life. I want to receive revelation and inspiration in my life.

2. Have meaningful prayers both in the morning and right before I go to bed. I have so much to be grateful for, and so much to be guided in. And I know who I can tell both to.

3. Have an exercise regime that I will stick to. One of the most happy and successful time of my life happened when I exercised regularly. I feel better, I look better, and I am a generally happier person.

4. Work on developing my Christlike attributes. Preach My Gospel is amazing because in chapter 8, there is a list of attributes and a plan to become those attributes.

5. Be helpful in every opportunity. Service is one way to lose yourself, and forget all of the silly things that frustrate us. It's so hard to see out of myself, that I know that I really need to work on this goal.

6. Take my callings seriously. I have been doing them, but it's been with a reluctance. I feel like I could be doing so much more than I have, and if I could lose myself in the work, I can show Heavenly Father's love to those I serve.

7. Keep doing things/Make things happen. Lately, a lot of my life has been waiting for something to happen to me. I want to make things happen. I'm tired of sitting on my hind end watching the world go on without me.

I think that these things will get me to where I need to be. And I've been doing pretty good. Not perfect mind you, but I'm getting there. :)

P.S. I ran 1.5 miles on Wednesday and almost 3 today. If I keep going like this, I'm going to rock in the Live wElle 5K this year. I want to run it in sub 28 minutes.

Some Excellent News but also Confessions of an Insecure Female

Warning: this may sound like a pity pot to some of you, but I'm only writing this to let my emotions out. Take what you will from it.

I've been feeling rather insecure lately. I don't know why it happens so often. I start doubting myself and others' judgment of me with a severely critical eye. I lose faith in what people think about me (which shouldn't happen anyway, because the only thing that should matter is what my Heavenly Father thinks of me), and I begin thinking about all of the bad habits and behaviors I have and perpetuate in my life . I think that I have far too many to correct and that no one will want to put up with that.

Most of what I just said is rubbish, and I know that many people love me and love to be around me. But I guess I get down on myself the most when I've put myself in a vulnerable spot. Which I just have.

I went a on a date recently, a.k.a. my "miracle of miracles" mentioned in my last post. It was with the guy from work. I actually asked him out, due to a fortunate change of plans. I had planned to go with my sister to a Divine Comedy (a BYU improv group) show this past Friday, but then she couldn't go with me, so I thought, "Hey, I could ask ______ (insert tall, cute, and nice boy from work's name) to go with me, and it would be really casual, and it would actually give me a chance to get to know him better!"

I was super nervous to ask him, mostly because I hadn't asked a boy on a date since the summer after my Senior year of high school. I managed to still ask him in a fairly (I think, at least) collected manner, and he not only accepted, but offered to make/take me out to dinner beforehand. He also had to cancel some plans he had with his sister, but he didn't seem like that would be too much of a problem. I came home from work elated, really looking forward to the date.

So we went out. And it was a really good date. But I'm not sure if it was a fantastic one (aka: come away from it knowing that it will go somewhere). I came away from it thinking that he was even cooler than I thought he was before, and besides being really attracted to him and knowing that he's a gentleman, I also think that he would an awesome friend.

But I have no idea what he thought of it. And it's causing me to mentally bash my head against the wall, because I don't. People have been asking me, "Hey, did he say, 'Let's do something again'?", to which I can honestly say, "No, he didn't." The people I've talked to then kind of don't know what to say after that. And neither do I.

I still will see him for the next 6 weeks at work, and I think that I could actually talk to him now (haha, I'm so dumb sometimes), but I really like him and I don't even know if he'd like me for a friend.

So, my mind takes me back to my insecurities. Where I feel like I'm so weird and unattractive sometimes (or always, haha). I know it's because I've put myself on the line. It's like I'm on a podium advertising myself, but I'm not quite sure that I'm a good investment. I've gotta get out of this rut. I need to be okay with being on the line, being a little insecure, and feeling a little vulnerable.

I found an old blog post from about 7 months ago, which is really appropriate for now. My feelings about vulnerability haven't changed much from then. Only now, I'm not safeguarding my heart like I did back then. It's a scary feeling, but the weirdest part is: I really want to want to be vulnerable, as least regarding putting myself out there. It's no fun to be sitting on the sidelines, watching everyone play but you. I'm not that kind of girl anymore, I want to live life, and not just let it pass me by. Phew. Sigh. Ugh. I dunno.

The Proof Is In The Pudding

So friends, I have some good news. I have been accepted into BYU's TESOL Certificate program for fall semester. That means I am about to embark on my quest to attain a Master's Degree in TESOL. The certificate program is a prerequisite for the Master's program, so it's all in the plans. I'm super excited to start school again, I've missed it terribly.

Funny thing is, I haven't actually gotten an official letter/email telling me so. I know I've been accepted due to a trick I learned from BYU's 100 Hour Board. I simply just checked StalkerNet (BYU's online student directory). When I heard this trick, it had only been for those who were looking to find if they had gotten accepted as a undergrads, but I thought it might work for me as well. I'd been checking it daily for about 2 weeks now, hoping to see my name pop up, when searching for the name Lutz (there's only a handful of them, including faculty and staff).

I hadn't seen my name most of the times I searched it, but then yesterday night (Thursday*) I tried for a second time that day. All of a sudden I saw my name and email. It took me back a little, and then I realized, "Sarah, you got in!!!"

I browsed around the BYU site for a while, and then I realized I had a link for registration (which I hadn't had before). I click on the Student Summary and up pops this:

At that point I realized it was a for sure thing, and not just a fluke. I know StalkerNet should have been enough, but I'm a compulsive worrywart. I ALWAYS need to double-check. Just comes with the territory.

Now the only thing I need to worry about is getting enough money to go to school...but I am trying to hurdle that problem already.

*Thursday was a fantastic day beyond me getting into grad school, I also had something I jokingly refer to as the "miracle of miracles" happen that night. But, THAT, my friends, will make it into my next blog post. :D

Restless

I'm feeling really restless lately. I have been content for so long, but now I feel like I don't know what I should be doing, or where I should be.

I know that I'm in the biggest limbo right now, waiting to find out whether or not I've gotten into grad school, and graduated, and all that implies. Thanks to a wonderful friend, I do have a job right now, but it's only two nights a week. So, I'm only working for 6 hours a week usually.

I want to do new things, and meet new people, and get out of this bubble/ivory tower/shell I've been in/built up/crawled into. I don't know if a change in location would fix it, or if I need to change my attitude.

I've been at my Grandma's for almost a week now, and I've liked the changes of increased freedom by way of having a car, and having cell phone service, but I still keep to myself. I've been in the house by myself most of the evenings, puttering around. I talked to my mom, and she was surprised, saying, "I thought you'd be making plans every night and hanging out with friends all of the time!"

This would be the case, except for that means I have to plan everything still. There's not a whole lot of spontaneity going on. I miss being able to walk to a friend's apartment, and say, "Hey, I'm doing nothing, you're doing nothing, let's go do something/go somewhere" or something along that line.

In short, I'm restless. And I don't know how to get out of this itchy/wanderlust/nagging feeling I'm experiencing.

I need some change.

Batchin' It

So, I am officially a townie for a week. Yes, you heard me correctly. My grandparents are out of town this week, so my sister, Catie, and I are the official plant/housesitters for them. We started yesterday, and already there are a few things that have been weird (aka: hard to get used to).

It's weird always having cell phone reception. I haven't had this experience for about 3 years now, and even back when I did when I was at Snow College, no one ever texted/called me, so it didn't even really matter. Maybe I have more friends now, ;)

It's weird not having someone around all of the time. At least when I'm at home, I hang out with my mom, but now it's just me, because Cate's at work. I work at nights, so it's like the passing of two ships in the night, quite literally.

It's weird that everything is so close. At home, it's a 15 minute drive to anywhere. Here it's 5, and that's generous. I keep on trying to plan out how much time I need to get to the places I need, and I can't. Let's just say I'm a little disoriented right now.

It's weird that I have a sweet car at my disposal. I don't have to plan around anyone else's schedule. This is a good kind of weird, but it's weird nonetheless. I love having a non-scuzzy car!

Anyway, this is a great/weird thing for me, but I'm not sure that I will want to go back at the end of the week but then again, maybe I will.

I already miss:

the mountain view
the peacefulness at night
my mom's food
being around people all the time

Well, whether or not this was boring or not, I am just trying to keep up blogging. It's easier the more you do it. I love you all. Have a fantastic day. 

Secret Admirer

So at work last night, I was told that someone asked if I was married or single. I don't wear a ring, but guess that doesn't mean much these days. The site coordinator told me with a gleam in her eye, really excited about the information she was giving me, but then told me that the person wished to remain anonymous. As in, (as told to me by the coordinator) "No, please, please, please, don't tell her who was asking!!!!"

Hmmm, I'm not quite sure how I'm feeling about this. Especially because my coordinator was like, "Hey, do you want me to tell him to ask you out?" I answered with a vague, "Well, I don't know who it is, so I couldn't tell you either way..." There are not very many males at my work, so the possibility of me knowing who it is, is pretty much certain.

The saddest part is it can't be the person I'd love for it to be. There's a really cute and nice boy that's my age who's a co-worker of mine, and I kind of have a secret crush on him myself...ironic as it may seem. I would really like him to ask me out, but he already knows that I'm single. So that cancels his name off the list, much to my chagrin.

I just don't what to think about the whole thing. I've come up with a few candidates, and I don't know which one is the best or the worst.

Candidate #1 - One of my students. There are 5 guys that come regularly to my class. I suspect at least 3 of them are over 40, so that's a little weird. The other ones are most likely in their 30s. But they are all parents, because their kids have to be members of the school district. I am a little weirded out, especially because I would never date any of my students. Besides being unethical, it would just be strange.

Candidate #2 - Some other student in another class. That's a very stretching assumption, but it could happen. But I think it's probably not a good theory.

Candidate #3 - The random janitor that talked to me that one time. He might want to know whether or not I was single, but I pegged him at about 35 the first time I saw him (and I'm usually right), and I wasn't so interested.

Candidate #4 - It's really the cute guy that's my age, and he's just double checking. Problem is, the coordinator was telling me all about this when he was around, so it doesn't seem likely. It's my favorite theory, though. :)

Vote for your favorite, give me some feedback. Haha. My life all of a sudden got more exciting, but I'm not sure I like the way it's going. I'll keep you updated.

P.S. For all of you that follow my blog faithfully (Rachel), this is an unprecedented event. I actually posted 2 days in a row.

Blogging? What's That?

Apparently that is what my brain says. Because it's been almost three months since my last blog, and it hasn't phased me until this point. I don't know why, but I feel obligated to write about what I feel are important things in my life, and for the last three months, I haven't felt like I've had any life-shattering experience that would be awesome to share with anyone that reads my blog. But now I've realized: Blogs aren't necessarily for the readers, they're more for the writer.

I mean, a blog can be amusing, especially if you can convey emotion in your writing, but I think I fail at humor writing. I'd rather write the deep thoughts swirling around in my brain. I write poetry that no one reads, and write about cool things that might happen, rather than the actual events which I've experienced. I've made a goal to actually tell you what I've been up to, rather than sidestep reality.

#1 Thing - I've officially graduated from BYU. Yay, let's pull out the party hats. Except I haven't walked yet, so no one even knows. Sometimes I have a hard time thinking I have. The only things that even make me believe that I've done it are the fact that the diploma is framed on my wall, and the fact that I now only have a part time job, and no classes or homework to stress about.

#2 Thing - As mentioned above, I actually found a part time job with Alpine School District in January. I teach English to adults who are second language learners (like an ESL setting). I have on average about 15 students that come, and I teach them on Tuesday and Thursday evenings. They are so cool, and I'm always energized when I get home, because they make teaching fun for me.

Side Note: I need to brag about them some more. They are all parents (their kids have to be enrolled in Alpine School District for them to attend), work jobs, and still come to class to learn English and get homework!!!! I just think the world of them.

#3 Thing - I have submitted an application for graduate school. I should find out soon whether or not I've made it in (please cross your fingers for me), but I have been going nearly crazy waiting. I turned in the application on January 10, but I feel like they need to tell me soon, or I will just fall to pieces.

#4 Thing - I have probably read over a hundred books in two months, because I have LOADS of time on my hands. Not something that I can shout from the rooftops, I mean, this is something that is almost embarrassing when you look at all of the part-time job opportunities I could have gotten, had I the motivation to get them. Anyway, you sow what you reap. My reaping consists of thousands of pages read of books that I wouldn't ever read again. Boo.

Now, I think that I need to seriously rearrange my life to something more bearable, including another job and finding out if I got into grad school, and having more money to do the things I want to do this fall. STRUCTURE is what I need, because if I don't have it, my life is too easily wasted away, day by day.

I've updated, but I still feel like a technical writer. Say what needs to be said, and no more. Ha. I should try and apply for a job where I can do that all day. Except it would be boring. Like this blog.

NEW GOAL (Set Wednesday, February 24th, 2010, but almost Thursday, February 25th, 2010)

I WILL NOT WRITE ABOUT BORING THINGS IN MY BLOG FROM THIS TIME FORWARD. I AM NOW ONLY ALLOWED TO WRITE ABOUT THINGS THAT I WOULD ENJOY READING (I.E. NOT TECHNICAL WRITING).

So, from the beginning of this blog to the end I've changed my mind (or maybe realized that the above was me trying to reassure myself that I'm not really as boring as I seem). Either way, a blog is for the reader, not the writer, and I either have to follow my new goal, or I have to give up blogging....

I'll take another stab at it.

P.S. Does anyone know of any good part-time jobs out there? I'm sucking at finding them. Or there is none left. Whelp, the early bird gets the worm, and the late bird gets no money for fall semester.