Fuzzy

No, not the texture. The inability to see/understand things. It's a concept that we use over and over again in my semantics class. We don't know how to define meaning and what meaning's core truly is. How can you define that? I for sure don't know.

I can't even define what is happening in my own life right now.

A question I have been getting quite frequently these days: "Have you applied for the master's program?" Or a good variant, "You haven't applied for the master's program?"

And the verdict is: not yet. Yes, the deadline's passed, I realize this. But I still plan on applying, just not yet.

I didn't feel good about applying for it right now, and when I don't feel good about things, it's a pretty good indicator that God is trying to guide me in another direction. I just don't know what direction that is exactly, especially because this puts me out for an entire year.

Another thing: Just letting you know, (which you probably know anyways) relationships are not only fuzzy, they're messy.

I am in a rather difficult situation at the present. I expressed my feelings to a guy that I count as one of my good friends, and it's really up in the air right now. He initially told me that he didn't want anything to ruin our great friendship, which led me to believe that he only thinks of me as a friend. It hurt, I had my cry, but I was liberated by the fact that I now knew where we stood.

But he asked me to talk with him again this last week, and the parameters have shifted, and I'm not standing on solid ground anymore. He didn't say he was interested, but he wasn't sure if he wasn't. I'm dealing with a very confused guy here. We're close, but guess he has to decide whether our friendship can only be just that, or if he's looking for something else.

What are my plans? I don't know. What's going to happen next? I really don't know.

It's all really, really fuzzy.