Secret Admirer

So at work last night, I was told that someone asked if I was married or single. I don't wear a ring, but guess that doesn't mean much these days. The site coordinator told me with a gleam in her eye, really excited about the information she was giving me, but then told me that the person wished to remain anonymous. As in, (as told to me by the coordinator) "No, please, please, please, don't tell her who was asking!!!!"

Hmmm, I'm not quite sure how I'm feeling about this. Especially because my coordinator was like, "Hey, do you want me to tell him to ask you out?" I answered with a vague, "Well, I don't know who it is, so I couldn't tell you either way..." There are not very many males at my work, so the possibility of me knowing who it is, is pretty much certain.

The saddest part is it can't be the person I'd love for it to be. There's a really cute and nice boy that's my age who's a co-worker of mine, and I kind of have a secret crush on him myself...ironic as it may seem. I would really like him to ask me out, but he already knows that I'm single. So that cancels his name off the list, much to my chagrin.

I just don't what to think about the whole thing. I've come up with a few candidates, and I don't know which one is the best or the worst.

Candidate #1 - One of my students. There are 5 guys that come regularly to my class. I suspect at least 3 of them are over 40, so that's a little weird. The other ones are most likely in their 30s. But they are all parents, because their kids have to be members of the school district. I am a little weirded out, especially because I would never date any of my students. Besides being unethical, it would just be strange.

Candidate #2 - Some other student in another class. That's a very stretching assumption, but it could happen. But I think it's probably not a good theory.

Candidate #3 - The random janitor that talked to me that one time. He might want to know whether or not I was single, but I pegged him at about 35 the first time I saw him (and I'm usually right), and I wasn't so interested.

Candidate #4 - It's really the cute guy that's my age, and he's just double checking. Problem is, the coordinator was telling me all about this when he was around, so it doesn't seem likely. It's my favorite theory, though. :)

Vote for your favorite, give me some feedback. Haha. My life all of a sudden got more exciting, but I'm not sure I like the way it's going. I'll keep you updated.

P.S. For all of you that follow my blog faithfully (Rachel), this is an unprecedented event. I actually posted 2 days in a row.

Blogging? What's That?

Apparently that is what my brain says. Because it's been almost three months since my last blog, and it hasn't phased me until this point. I don't know why, but I feel obligated to write about what I feel are important things in my life, and for the last three months, I haven't felt like I've had any life-shattering experience that would be awesome to share with anyone that reads my blog. But now I've realized: Blogs aren't necessarily for the readers, they're more for the writer.

I mean, a blog can be amusing, especially if you can convey emotion in your writing, but I think I fail at humor writing. I'd rather write the deep thoughts swirling around in my brain. I write poetry that no one reads, and write about cool things that might happen, rather than the actual events which I've experienced. I've made a goal to actually tell you what I've been up to, rather than sidestep reality.

#1 Thing - I've officially graduated from BYU. Yay, let's pull out the party hats. Except I haven't walked yet, so no one even knows. Sometimes I have a hard time thinking I have. The only things that even make me believe that I've done it are the fact that the diploma is framed on my wall, and the fact that I now only have a part time job, and no classes or homework to stress about.

#2 Thing - As mentioned above, I actually found a part time job with Alpine School District in January. I teach English to adults who are second language learners (like an ESL setting). I have on average about 15 students that come, and I teach them on Tuesday and Thursday evenings. They are so cool, and I'm always energized when I get home, because they make teaching fun for me.

Side Note: I need to brag about them some more. They are all parents (their kids have to be enrolled in Alpine School District for them to attend), work jobs, and still come to class to learn English and get homework!!!! I just think the world of them.

#3 Thing - I have submitted an application for graduate school. I should find out soon whether or not I've made it in (please cross your fingers for me), but I have been going nearly crazy waiting. I turned in the application on January 10, but I feel like they need to tell me soon, or I will just fall to pieces.

#4 Thing - I have probably read over a hundred books in two months, because I have LOADS of time on my hands. Not something that I can shout from the rooftops, I mean, this is something that is almost embarrassing when you look at all of the part-time job opportunities I could have gotten, had I the motivation to get them. Anyway, you sow what you reap. My reaping consists of thousands of pages read of books that I wouldn't ever read again. Boo.

Now, I think that I need to seriously rearrange my life to something more bearable, including another job and finding out if I got into grad school, and having more money to do the things I want to do this fall. STRUCTURE is what I need, because if I don't have it, my life is too easily wasted away, day by day.

I've updated, but I still feel like a technical writer. Say what needs to be said, and no more. Ha. I should try and apply for a job where I can do that all day. Except it would be boring. Like this blog.

NEW GOAL (Set Wednesday, February 24th, 2010, but almost Thursday, February 25th, 2010)

I WILL NOT WRITE ABOUT BORING THINGS IN MY BLOG FROM THIS TIME FORWARD. I AM NOW ONLY ALLOWED TO WRITE ABOUT THINGS THAT I WOULD ENJOY READING (I.E. NOT TECHNICAL WRITING).

So, from the beginning of this blog to the end I've changed my mind (or maybe realized that the above was me trying to reassure myself that I'm not really as boring as I seem). Either way, a blog is for the reader, not the writer, and I either have to follow my new goal, or I have to give up blogging....

I'll take another stab at it.

P.S. Does anyone know of any good part-time jobs out there? I'm sucking at finding them. Or there is none left. Whelp, the early bird gets the worm, and the late bird gets no money for fall semester.

Song of the Day

I was listening to my music this morning, and I came across a song I hadn't heard for a while. It's from the "A Walk to Remember" soundtrack, and Mandy Moore and Jonathan Forman (lead singer of Switchfoot) sing it. I know there's lots of people who hate Mandy Moore, but I think she's alright and I love Switchfoot. I don't know who to attribute the lyrics to, but they're fantastic. The lyrics combined with the melody drove it home to me as a sad, yet very poigant song of lost love. Yes, depressing songs/poetry seem to be my favorite kind, but it's not all of the things I like.

Someday We'll Know

Ninety miles outside Chicago
I can't stop driving I don't know why
So many questions, I need an answer
Two years later, you're still on my mind

Whatever happened to Amelia Earhart?
Who holds the stars up in the sky?
Is true love is just once in a lifetime?
Did the captain of the Titanic cry?

Someday we'll know
If love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know why I wasn't meant for you

Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?
What the wind says when she cries?
I'm speeding by the place that I met you
For the ninty-seventh time, tonight

Someday we'll know
If love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know
Why I wasn't meant for you 

Someday we'll know
Why Samson loved Delilah
One day I'll go
Dancing on the moon
Someday you'll know that I was the one for you 

I want to take you to the end of the rainbow
Watch the stars crash in the sea
If I could ask God just one question
Why aren't you here with me, tonight?

Someday we'll know
If love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know
Why the sky is blue  
Someday we'll know why I wasn't meant for you 

Someday we'll know
Why Samson loved Delilah
One day I'll go
Dancing on the moon
Someday you'll know that I was the one for you

Mentally chew on these lyrics awhile. They might surprise you.

96 hours and counting...

I know that you are probably wondering (for all 5 of you that follow my blog, haha), "Didn't she say she wanted to blog about her English teaching experiences?" And all you've gotten is my rotten poetry instead.

Well, for every month of my internship, I have to report the number of hours I've spent working on things for the class. I was pretty shocked. In September, I put in 42 hours for my internship. I expected my hours to drop for the second month, because I didn't have as many meetings last month. But I was wrong.

I put in 54 hours in October, which puts my total at 96 hours. I only need 150 hours to satisfy the internship requirement. That seemed like an insane amount of hours, and I wasn't sure I could do it. I'm pretty sure it's not going to be a problem to get there by the second week of December.

I want to say, I really LOVE teaching. It is stressful, to be sure, but I've learned so much by being a teacher. I'm beginning to see my strengths and weaknesses in my teaching, and in my language skills. as well as in my whole person. It has given me confidence, and I know I can hold my own in front of strangers.

My students are the best. They are such hard workers, and they always do their homework. They really want to achieve and succeed in English, and they do their best.

It was hard at first to gain a mutual understanding. I have two Spanish speakers (from Mexico and Ecuador), two Japanese speakers, and a French speaker from the African country Mali. They all learn in different ways, each one being accustomed to learning his or her own way. But we work together to learn from each other as they continue to get better at English.

They are very kind, and I have had really no attitude problems with them. They respect my position, even though I am younger than three of them. They help out and aren't afraid to ask questions. I LOVE that!

I think that very beginning levels are the best to teach, because you can see the learning curve so much better. When I think of what my students were capable of doing at the beginning of the semester, it's staggering to see how far they've come.

Most of them had literally no verbal skills when they began, but now they are able to relate a summary of the outside of class reading they have. Their ability to maintain new vocabulary is amazing. I wish I had their skill with that. Memorizing vocabulary has always been the hardest thing for me.

I only have a month and a half left with them, and I am sad to think I can't keep teaching them. I am so blessed to have gotten this experience, because it's one that an undergrad has never been able to do until now. The Lord has blessed me with a great life right now.
   

Two Emotions Captured in a Moment

Melancholy
Rain trickles down my windshield
slowly, haphazardly.
Like a traveler in a snowstorm.
Dingy clouds move in and out
of the sky as often as
the thoughts
in my stream of consciousness.
Beethoven playing in a minor key
on the radio.
I turn it up to deter my thoughts.
Unsuccessful.
Sigh.

Joy
A belly laugh and a big grin.
I see children throwing leaves.
Red, orange, yellow, brown.
The incessant crackle and crunch.
The crisp air enters my lungs,
invigorating my soul.
Someone's made a big pile.
Is it big enough for me?
Heart racing, I jump.
I'm flying.

I am freaking out!!!!!!

Okay, I'm finally realizing how close my brother is to getting home. It is insane. A week from Friday. Yeah. Well, I understand that everything will be weird at first (that's what everyone says, anyway), but I have missed him so much. I was not the best at writing him, which would seem to be the telltale sign that I missed him the most, but really I felt a big gaping hole in my life.

He has been with me since the beginning. We were the best of buds in our younger years, always getting into scrapes and getting scrapes, bruises, and goose eggs. When we reached the age of 12 and 14, respectively, things changed quite a bit. We weren't interested in hanging together anymore. This lasted for about 4 years.

High school was different, where we finally came back to level ground, and we did do some stuff together again. In fact, we were in the same school dance group once. That was fun. :)

Then I went off to college, and he finished up his high school days, gaining some really great friends along the way. He spent a lot of time with them, but always remembered me. He would tell me that he missed our talks, and whenever I was home for a break, we'd usually talk into the wee hours of the night, sometimes getting in trouble for it.

Then, when I moved home, the summer before he left on his mission, I finally felt like we got to build our friendship up to where it was as strong as when we were kids. We did activities together, had late night talks, and he helped me see a lot of my strengths and weaknesses, and also was the first to cheer up my gloomy days. Granted, our friendship was different than when we were kids, but I couldn't stop sobbing when he gave me his last hug for two years at the MTC almost two years ago.

I had an interesting/hard time the first year he was gone. Since, I am horrible at letters, I never wrote, but I drew strength from the letters he sent the family. We grew closer when I started writing him consistently in his last 8 months. It was a great comfort to have someone rooting for me, and giving me advice in some of the most growing months I've ever had.

But now he's coming home. And will have to be a grownup alongside me, making life altering decisions such as college major, who to date, what to be when he grows up, and who to marry. In my mind, he's still my 19 year old brother, but then I know he's not. It's really a bizarre feeling.

And true to my worry-wart nature, I am concerned for him, because I want him to not have to go through the trials that I know he will have to go through. Also, I'm feeling selfish. Adam is loved by a lot of people, and I want them all to get to be around him, but I wish that he and I could have a little while to be best of buds again. It probably won't happen, but it's been a secret wish of mine.

I am excited, apprehensive, joyful, and jealous all wrapped together. And it's still nine days. I wonder what it will be like next week. Haha.

Each Life That Touches Ours For Good

Yes, it's the name of a hymn. One of my favorites, to be truthful. I know it's usually sung at funerals, but I think it is a beautiful song of gratitude for all friends, whether they're here with us now or they've passed on. Here's the lyrics of verses 2 and 4, which are my favorites:

What greater gift dost thou bestow,
What greater goodness can we know
Than Christlike friends, whose gentle ways
Strengthen our faith, enrich our days.

For worthy friends whose lives proclaim
Devotion to the Savior's name,
Who bless our days with peace and love,
We praise thy goodness, Lord above.

Now, I don't want this to turn into a thankamony or anything like that, but I realized how blessed I have been in the friend department. He has given me people who have lifted me up wherever I've been, and I'm really grateful for that. So I'm going to give a shout-out to the amazing people of my life.

AnnaLee. We've had our ups and downs, but we've weathered through them for 5+ years. That's a sign that we have and continue learning and growing so much with each other. You've been a wonderful shoulder to lay my head on and a sense of stability and reason in my life, and I hope that you feel the same way about me. You are a sister to me.

My Snow friends. You are amazing. I know that no matter where I am in life, I know that we can always get back together and laugh ourselves silly about the fun and stupid things we did. :) You are such an integral part of my life, that I could not be who and where I am right now without you.

My roomies. Britt! You are one of the most giving soul I've ever met, and I've come to admire you so much. You always make me smile. The fact that we were roomies for two straight years and didn't kill each other was amazingly cool, lol. Kristin, Val, and Cami...you are wonderful, kind, tolerant of me and my weirdness and I learned a lot from all of you. A girl couldn't have asked for better roomies than you guys. (or y'all, that was for you, Val)

 Amelia. You helped me a lot with the transition from Ephraim to Provo. We grew up together, and our families have always had fun together. We weren't close in high school, but you have shown me such good support and love.

The 13th Wardies. Where could you find such a great group of individuals who have the capacity to all be friends and have fun with each other? You have helped me have more fun than I could ever think to have in a lifetime, and make me feel special whenever I can actually come to activites because of your excitedness to see me. Special thanks to Amanda, Julianne, and Brookie. You bring sunshine and happiness in my life with your warm hugs and encouragement.

My work friends! I am so glad to have met you all: Naarah, Tyler, Collins, Andrew, Melanie, Brooke, Kim, Val, Dave, and Tristan!!! I always know that I have a team that rooting for me, and you do it all the time. You have let me unload my burdens, given me great advice, help me in the whole relationship arena, let me have fun and laugh, and kept me sane day by day, all the while when helping the billions of patrons we get to serve everyday. :) :) :)  Val, meeting a book nerd like you who loves the same things I do,  has been one of the greatest things I've done. We are kindred spirits and I think we will always be. Tristan, I haven't known you long but I think I will find a kindred spirit in you, too. :)

Rachel, meine Liebe. I could never forget about you. You would have thought that my German class would bring me such a dear friend? You have been such a good person for me, and I love you for it. You said that we're both sane and insane, and it's true. We may not have all of the the same interests, but we have loving souls that needed to meet and help each other. Thank you so much for letting me be an honorary roommate, always wanting to see and talk with me, and just being the loveable you. :)

 Finally, last but not least, is my family, both immediate and extended who I consider some of the best people I know. I am fortunate to be close with my siblings and my cousins, and my grandparents and aunts and uncles are always wanting to know what I'm up to, and are some of the first to offer support. My siblings- Cate, Adam, Hannah, Matt, Mike, and Emma: you guys will always be my best friends in life, and I know that I can always depend on you. We are an intense bunch, but we love with a ferocity that you couldn't find anywhere else and that's what binds us so strongly together. Mom and Dad- I could ask for any ones better than you. You are the backbone of my life, and help me accomplish the goals I set, encouraging me along the way. I love you.

Thank you all so much! I know there are so many more people that I didn't mention who have also given me so much in my life. I'm very blessed by your actions and words everyday of my life. I love you all!